


Baby, You're Not Lost

by Karidy213



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Anorexia, Anxiety Disorder, Depression, Fluff, M/M, Past Abuse, Sexual Content, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-09-04
Updated: 2016-01-16
Packaged: 2017-12-25 14:38:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 19,943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/954295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Karidy213/pseuds/Karidy213
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU where Harry is 16 and he ends up in a psychiatric hospital and he doesn't like to acknowledge his problems. Louis is 18 and has already been in that psychiatric hospital for quite some time for severe clinical depression, and he never even attempts to hide his emotions. They end up as roommates and they just connect.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Over My Head

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so I've never written anything before, so this is probably awful. I should be posting the second chapter soon! And the beginning didn't exactly turn out how I had wanted but it happens. I honestly don't know if I expect anyone to read this. Like at all. But feedback would be amazing. And if anything seems wrong about the way I portray certain mental disorders, just know that this is based off my own personal experiences, and I am in no way a professional at things like this. Well, thank you so much if you take the time to read this. I hope you enjoy it!

Harry holds his breath while the sliding glass doors open before him. He shouldn't be here. He knows he shouldn't. This place is for, like, crazy people. And he most definitely doesn't belong here.

Except for the part where he absolutely does belong here because the doctors, his mom, and Gemma all said so.

The thing is, this is all just a misunderstanding. He isn't depressed. He is grateful for the life he has. He knows how good he has it. So he doesn't understand why Gemma won't make eye contact with him, or why his mom has tears building up in the corners of her eyes. He didn't do anything wrong.

The lady at the front desk seems friendly enough. She has dark curly hair and warm brown eyes. Harry likes her immediately. He sees on her shirt that she wearing a name tag that is labeled Danielle. Huh. It suits her he thinks.

“Hi there,” she greets them warmly.”My name is Danielle, and your names are?”

“Hi, uh, I'm Anne, and this is my son Harry.” Anne says, rubbing Harry's back soothingly. “We've never been through anything like this, so I am not quite sure how this all works?” It comes out as more of a question than a statement.

Danielle pulls a clip board and some papers out of a drawer on her desk and hands them to Anne, along with a pen. She smiles reassuringly when she sees the state of worry Anne is in over the situation and Anne visibly relaxes a bit. “Just fill out these forms and bring them back to me when you're all set, okay? We will sort everything out. It shouldn't take too long. How old is Harry?”

Harry really wishes they would stop talking about him like he wasn't there.

“'M 16.” He states, trying to keep from sounding irritated. It's not that Danielle has done anything wrong. It's just that Harry doesn't want to be here at all.

“Alright” Danielle smiles at him. “In this particular treatment center we split the patients up by gender and age. You are going to be in Niall's section, with the boys who are 16 through 18 years old. I know you will get along with Niall. Everyone does, really.” And Harry can't help but relax because she just sounds so genuine.

As if on cue a blond guy with pretty blue eyes and a very distinct and thick Irish accent walks up to Harry and introduces himself as Niall. Anne excuses herself to go and sit down while sorting the paperwork and Gemma wordlessly follows her. Niall and Harry hit it off pretty well and they chat aimlessly for a few minutes before Harry blurts out “So, like, aren't you too young to be a counselor here?”

Niall chuckles. “I'm 23. Also, I am not really a therapist or anything. I don't do one on one sessions usually. I keep track of all the guys 16 through 18 and basically try to keep you guys entertained. I think the most effective way to recover is by being around other people, and having a laugh. Just enjoying yourself, wouldn't you agree?”

Harry definitely likes Niall. He seems almost too relaxed and care free to be working here. “Well, I wouldn't really know. I've not been through this before, mate. So I guess your opinion has a bit more knowledge behind it than mine does.”

Niall smiles and goes to say something but Anne is returning to them beside the desk and handing the paperwork over to Danielle. She pushes Harry's suitcase toward him and tears start flowing down her cheeks. Harry wishes she wouldn’t cry. Just makes this harder.

“I love you so, so much. You know that right, hunny?” She's holding Harry's hands while she speaks between sobs. “They're going to help you. That is w-what they are here for. I'll come and visit you every time I can. They will take care of you and you'll be out of here in no time.” She kisses Harry on the cheek and gives him a tight hug before wiping her eyes and backing away, telling him she loves him several more times.

Gemma cautiously walks up to him like he is a bomb that could go off at any second. Harry hates it. “Look, I love you so much, okay? And I- I don't know what happened that set this all off but you better make it home to me in one piece, alright?” She pulls Harry into a long hug and ruffles his curls while tears start to threaten her eyes as well. Then Gemma and Anne are leaving and Harry can feel the anxiety start in his chest.

Niall claps him on the shoulder and says “Well, I suppose you'd like to meet your roommate, yeah?” Harry nods. “His name is Louis, you'll enjoy him, I think. The lad is a right laugh if I do say so meself.” Harry forces a smile and releases a shaky breath before Niall turns to lead him to his room.

They get to his room and his heart is pounding in his chest. What if Louis doesn't like him? What if he is roommates with an absolute psycho? He doesn't know if he can handle this.

Niall opens the door and Harry steps inside and sees white walls, white bed sheets, and white carpeting. He thinks its too bright. It takes him a moment to notice the boy sitting on the bed to his right, chewing on his nails, and oh.

The boy has deliciously tanned skin, with golden-brown hair that falls in a messy fringe that hangs a bit above his eyes. And his eyes are blueblueblue. Harry’s breath hitches when he first looks into the boy's- Louis'- eyes. They are gorgeous. And they contrast his sun kissed skin perfectly. He is wearing red skinny jeans that hug his thighs deliciously and a white shirt, along with black suspenders, and black Toms on his feet.He has a small frame that makes him look about Harry's age, but he has stubble on his chin that says otherwise. Harry is guessing 17 maybe. Harry takes a minute to realize he is staring, and Louis is blushing under his gaze. A small smirk plays at the corner of Louis' lips.

“Hi there. My name is Louis. Apparently I'm going to be your roommate. And you are?” He says while extending his hand to shake Harry's. And his voice is a little bit higher than Harry had expected, but in a soothingly good way. His voice is like silk, Harry thinks.

“I'm Harry. It's great to meet you.” Is all he can get out.

“I think it could be better to meet you, if the situation weren't, uh, y'know, this.” He says while gesturing to the room. Harry frowns, he's not sure what Louis meant by that.

Louis sees this and his brow furrows.”Oh, uh no! I didn't mean its not a pleasure to meet you! It totally is and I am psyched that you are my roommate! I meant, like, I don't know why you ended up here, but obviously it can't be good. And I think, you know, meeting you in the real world when we are both doing well could be a better scenario. Uh, sorry.” Louis blushes.

Niall raises his eyebrows at them. “Right, well, I'll leave you two to get to know each other a bit better, okay? Recreation starts in 20 minutes. Harry, Louis will show you the way when it's announced, yeah?”

“Okay” Both of them say at the same time. Harry smiles shyly at Louis and is rewarded with a giggle from Louis, which might be one of his new favorite sounds. And with that Niall shakes his head and leaves.

The first few moments are a bit awkward and tense, with neither of them wanting to break the silence. They just study each other for a bit and then Louis tilts his head in a way that is totally not endearing, it just isn't, before he asks “How do you get your hair like that? Like, does it take long?”

“Actually I just kinda shower and, uh, leave it I guess.” Louis nods, clearly impressed. For some reason Harry feels accomplished. Like he has won something just because Louis likes his hair. He feels like a 6th grader.

“And, how old are you? You look pretty young but your kinda tall and you have a deep voice, so like, 'm not sure.”

Harry smiles. He finds the way Louis over explains everything kind of endearing. And by kind of he means completely. “I am 16.” Louis looks a little surprised by this, much to Harry's delight. “How old are you?”

“18. Comment on how short I am for my age and I will end you.” Louis teases. And, okay. Harry can tolerate it here he thinks. Maybe, even if he shouldn't be here because he's perfectly fine, this could be a good thing.

They joke around for a bit and Harry starts to unpack his clothes and put them in the dresser by his bed, and shortly they hear a bell and then a voice that sounds like Danielle's from the front desk telling them that it is time for recreation.

Louis jumps up and says “Well, we better head down. Don't wanna be late on your first day.” and with that he grabs Harry by the wrist and pulls him out of the room and in to the hallway.

Harry tries to ignore the feeling in his chest he gets from Louis hand simply being around his wrist. He won't fall for him. He just won't. 

And when he looks down at where Louis hand is making contact he sees some white lines along his wrist. Scars. And he can see some pink swollen lines that must have been more recent. This makes his chest ache. He won't ask. It's none of his business. But he can't help but wonder why.


	2. Hello My Name Is

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So I just wanted to get Harry introduced to all of the boys and maybe let you guys get a sneak peak in to why each of the boys is at the psychiatric hospital.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for any mistakes and maybe if its not that great? I'm just new to writing. And I rushed this a bit because my first day of school's tomorrow. I hope you enjoy it! Thank you so much for reading!

The Recreation Center reminds Harry a bit of the gymnasium back at school. It’s a huge room with polished wood floors, a basketball court to his left, and a make-shift footie court set up to his right. He’s never been good at football. He sees some chairs put into a circle in the center of the room, where Niall is sitting with a few other blokes that Harry has never seen before.

Louis immediately leads Harry in the direction of the chairs and picks a seat next to an impossibly gorgeous guy with a tall black quiff and beautiful brown eyes. Harry is intrigued. The bloke is way too skinny to be healthy. He has hollowed cheeks and his eyes have dark bags under them, yet the boy is still somehow stunning.  Harry immediately assumes the guy is here for an eating disorder.

“Hey, Zayn. This is Harry, he’s my new roomie. He is 16 and he naturally has those pretty curls.” Louis states matter-of-factly.

Zayn looks up at Harry through thick lashes and offers him a stunning smile. Harry smiles back and Zayn says “Well, I am impressed. Takes me forever to get my hair the way I want it, and yours still easily outdoes mine.” Harry likes Zayn. He seems sincere.

“’S good to meet you, Zayn. And I beg to differ. I’m baffled by how tall you manage to get your hair. Looks really good.” Harry responds warmly. Louis fidgets in his chair.

“Liam! Hey mate, how are you today?” Harry follows Louis gaze and sees a broad, but somehow gentle and timid, boy walk over. His eyes widen when he sees Harry and Harry can see him tense up. Huh. Harry has never considered himself intimidating.

“I’m, um. Okay, yeah. I’m alright. How’re you?” He has a smaller quiff than Zayns but it suits him well. Its brown, and matches his eyes. Puppy eyes, Harry thinks. Liam has adorable brown puppy eyes.

“I’m good, man. Have any attacks lately? Or do you think this place might finally be doing something for you?” His eyes widen at Louis question.

“Uh. Yeah, actually. Had an attack yesterday. Don’t wanna talk about it..” He frowns and then looks up. “Who’s this?” He changes the subject while motioning to Harry.

“It’s Harry. He’s rooming with me. You don’t have to be nervous around him, he is a good kid.”

“Heyyyyyyy, ‘m not a kid.” Harry whines. This earns him a teasing smile from Louis.

Liam relaxes a bit and looks up, then he sees Zayn, and immediately tenses again while a faint blush spreads across his cheeks. “Hi Zayn. Uh, didn’t see you there, how’re you?” He mumbles shyly.

“I’m just fabulous, Li. Enjoy having food shoved down my throat, y’know?” He is smirking in a way that can only be described as flirty. Harry wonders if the boys have something going on between them or if they are both just secretly, but obviously, crushing on each other. It is kind of adorable, Harry thinks.

Niall sits down and claps his hands together to get everyone’s attention.

"Alright guys. My friend Harry is new here. So why don't we all introduce ourselves? Let Harry get to know us a bit and then maybe he can tell us a bit about himself, alright?" Everyone nods in agreement and Louis immediately volunteers ro go first.

"Hii everyone! My name is Louis as all of you know. I'm 18 and I'm from Doncaster. I've been stuck in this place for a while now. I'm here because I'm a miserable twat, but the medical term is severe clinical depression. Anyways, that's me. And if I missed anything, just ask me. 'M sort of an open book." He sits back in his seat and smiles at Harry. God he's pretty.

Before anyone can beat him to it Zayn is sitting up straighter in his chair and speaking. "My name is Zayn. I'm also 18. I'm from Bradford. They've got me locked up in here because I don't like to eat. Not really sure what the big deal is about that." He looks flustered. 

"Liam, would you like to share?" Niall asks hopefully.

Liam has a worried look on his face as he looks around at the group he's in. "I think I'd rather not.." he whispers. "Do I have to?"

Zayn reaches over and rubs Liam's back gently. "I think you can do it, mate. Nobody here will judge you. You've got nothing to worry about with us." He looks genuinely concerned. 

"I, uh, yeah. Yeah, alright." He stutters shyly. "My name is Liam. I'm 17. I'm from Wolverhampton. I'm here because I have panic attacks, and uh, they get out of control sometimes? Yeah. Severe Anxiety Disorder or whatever. I'm going to stop now. I'm not really comfortable with this." He rushes the words out of his mouth and then takes a deep breath before slumping back in his chair. Zayn gives him a reassuring smile and he relaxes, and Harry swears he swoons, a little bit.

A few other people that Harry doesn't really pay attention to talk abouy themselves. It goes by relatively quickly. 

"I'll go now. Then it is your turn, alright Harry?" Niall doesn't let Harry answer before he starts. "Hello everyone. I am Niall Horan. I'm 23. I'm from Mullingar. I play guitar and like making people smile. I hope to be able to help each and every one of you in some way. Oh, and don't tell anyone, but I'm originally brunette." He finishes quickly and then looks at Harry expectantly.

Harry clears his throat. "Hi. I'm Harry Styles. I'm 16. I am from Cheshire. If we are being quite honest, I don't know why I'm here. I mean I do but I shouldn't be here. I don't think so at least. You all seem really nice. I'm done I think. Don't know what else to say." Everyone is quiet for a minute and then Niall smiles at him. 

"Excellent. Harry, Liam, Zayn, and Louis you guys are going to be paired up okay? Like, for the activities throughout your stay here, you guys will stick together. Is that okay with you?" Niall looks hopeful.

"Sounds great if you ask me." Harry looks over and sees Zayn smiling at Liam, who is trying really hard to suppress a smile. Harry can tell.

"Sounds perfect." Louis says while smirking at Harry. Harry certainly doesn't get butterflies. He just doesn't. All he can manage to do is nod, and it seems like Liam is having the same problem.


	3. No One Knows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So you get a glimpse into what Louis is really going through right now, and learn quite a lot about Harry's character. I'm hoping the way i'm portraying the mental disorders makes sense? I'm only going by personal experience, so if I'm wrong I'm sorry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about any mistakes I may have made! And I'm sorry I didn't post last night. School started yesterday for me so I'm going to update this as much as I can, which will hopefully be often, but if it takes a while sometimes I'm sorry because school and all that. Well, I really hope you guys are enjoying this! Thank you for reading this, it means a lot to me!

The first thing the boys do all together is play football in the recreation center. Of Course. This is Harry's weak point. He has long gangly limbs that he hasn’t quite learned how to control properly yet, his coordination is awful, and he just really wishes this wouldn't happen because he knows it will be an awful first impression of him for the boys hes been grouped up with. And he is already the youngest in the group, which only makes this worse. He is feeling quite self conscious. 

They make the teams Louis and Harry against Liam and Zayn, and Niall occasionally will swoop over and help out whichever team happens to be losing. It goes relatively well for Harry because, as it turns out, Louis is fantastic at football. He tends to do most of the work throughout the game, scoring 7 goals by the end, and somehow managing to mostly keep Liam and Zayn away from his own goal. Harry didn't really contribute to the game too much, but when he'd awkwardly fumble with the ball Louis would just giggle and make a joke about it. It wasn't so bad. 

Louis and Harry win the game 7 to 3. Harry goes to high five Louis who pulls him in for a hug, and oh. Harry wasn't exactly expecting that. He doesn't even notice when Liam and Zayn slip away and back to their rooms. He tenses up a bit but relaxes as soon as Louis pats him on the back and pulls away saying “Well, we somehow managed to win that. I'm properly impressed. Kudos to you.” He seems like he's being genuine but Harry knows when he is being teased.

“Let's not dance around the fact that I was bloody awful out there. I know I’m pretty shite at football. You, however, are exceptional. I really was impressed. You make it look easy.”

“I actually played since I was 6. Don't be too impressed. If I wasn't quite good by now that would be downright embarrassing. I'd never be able to show my face in public again.” Louis looks at Harry and makes a funny face, sticking his tongue out and crossing his eyes in a less-than-flattering way, that makes Harry huff out a loud laugh before quickly covering his hand with his mouth.

They laugh for a minute until Harry blurts out “You're a dork, you know. Quirky and all that.”

“Oi, 'm not the one that just laughed like that, am I? And honestly? Dork means dick, don't you know? I don't really feel like a penis if I’m being quite honest with you,” he deadpans. 

Harry suppresses his laughter and says “Hmm. You took that to a place it didn't need to go. I just mean you are strange, mate. It's good though. Fuck normality.” And before either of them can say anything else Niall comes over and lets them know that Recreation time is over, and they should get back to there room.

\---

Later that night, when they are already showered (which, Harry has to shower because he isn't allowed to take a bath, nor is he allowed to shave, not that he has facial hair right now, because he's on suicide watch, which might be the worst thing in the history of the world.) and in pajamas, after the nurse has forced them to take their meds, they are laying in bed silently, both wide awake but neither is saying anything. 

They hear footsteps coming down the hallway until Danielle peaks in the room and then walks back out. Harry is confused as to why she came in so he rolls on to his side so he is facing Louis and asks “What was that all about? Like, does she come in here every night?” Louis only nods in response. “Why?”

Louis sits up in his bed a little so he can look at Harry properly. He looks a little bit fragile like this. His eyes are sleepy and his fringe is falling messily over his forehead. “They have to do their rounds. You know, room checks throughout the night. They have to make sure nobody has hurt themselves, make sure people are where they are supposed to be.” he looks a little sad when he says it. 

“Has anyone ever not been where they were supposed to be since you've been here?” A look of anguish flashes across Louis face. He sighs and then positions himself so he can rest his head on his pillow but still be somewhat sitting up and facing Harry, using the wall for support. 

“Actually, uh, yeah..” Louis trails off and Harry is suddenly very curious.

“What happened?” He questions. Louis goes silent for a minute, as if he is thinking over exactly what he should say. He gives Harry an intense look before he starts speaking.

“Um, my last roommate. His name was Stan. We got really close. Became like proper best mates. But He was going through a lot, didn't want to deal with it. He wouldn't take his pills. Hid them under his tongue until the nurse left and he would go to the loo and spit them out. They were trying to help him, but he didn't want to be helped. He wanted to be done. So one night, after I'd fallen asleep, they checked this room and he wasn't here.” Louis pauses and takes a shaky breath. “Found him in the bathroom. He'd broken the mirror and used one of the shards of glass to cut along his vein. They didn't find him in time..” Harry isn't quite sure when Louis started crying, but he can clearly see the tears silently falling from his face. 

“I am so sorry Louis. That's really awful.” He cautiously gets up and walks over to Louis' bed so he can rub soothing circles across his back. “When was it?”

“76 days ago. I kept count. They didn't give me a roommate until you came here, wanted to let me mourn. It had never happened before. They weren’t sure how exactly to deal with it.” His tears are slowing, but he still looks painfully sad. Harry takes his hand off of Louis' back and gets back in his own bed. 

“I am really sorry Louis. You shouldn't have ever had to go through that.”

“That is why I'm still here..I was making really good progress. Recovery and all that. And then he was gone, and it was like the wind was knocked out of me. I was back to square one, right at rock bottom. I still feel like I'm there sometimes.” His voice is soft and quiet.

Harry doesn't know what to say. He wants to tell Louis that he sort of understands what he means. He knows what it's like to feel like you’re at your lowest point, and you are just stuck. He doesn't know how to talk about it, though. So he shoves the thought to the back of his mind like he always does, rolls over and says “I hope you never have to go through anything like that again. You deserve to get better.” His throat is tightening up like he is about to start crying and he can't do that. Not here. Not right now while Louis is only a few feet away. “Goodnight, Louis.”

“G'night.” Louis whispers. Within minutes Harry hears Louis steady breathing and tiny snores once in a while. He thinks he still has a lot to learn about Louis. He wants to know more.

And he spends his first night in the psychiatric hospital staring at the ceiling, the familiar ache settling in his bones. He feels exhausted but his mind just wont shut off. He gets like this a lot. The numbness he has grown used to over the past year or so slowly sinks in and his heart aches. Usually he lays there and feels bad for himself, but he can't tonight. Not after hearing about what Louis had just been through, and is still going through.

Harry has never understood why he is the way he is. He has everything, right? His mom adores him and his sister and him are as close as can be. He has quite a few friends at school, although he has trouble connecting with them. And he gets good enough grades. He has so much going right in his life so he just can't understand why it all feels so wrong.

Why does he never want to get out of bed in the morning when he has so much to look forward to? How come he can't find pleasure in the good things in life anymore like he used to just a few years ago? When did he get like this? Is he really that ungrateful? Because that is how he feels. He has this awful feeling in his gut that tells him that everything he does is for nothing. All his effort is only leading to an unhappy future. And that terrifies him. He hates feeling like everything he does, his life, his existence is pointless. 

He rolls over and stares at the wall, wondering what it would be like to enjoy life again. He has an aching fear that he will never know what it is to wake up and be excited for the day. To want to be around people. He wants to learn to not hate every inch of himself. He wants to know what its like to fall in love, and be stupid and smitten over someone special in his life. 

But mostly, he just wants to be able to get through the day without hoping that his next breath will be his last. He wants to know what it is like to be okay.


	4. Don't Ask (I won't tell.)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You get to see Liam's disorder a bit more clearly here, there is a little Ziam, and Harry won't talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still not sure about my writing, so once again, I'm sorry if there are any mistakes or if the way I right isn't so great. Thank you all for reading! I appreciate it so much!

Harry wakes up to the sound of Louis humming. He is mostly sure he recognizes the tune as the song Look After You by The Fray. He thinks that he won't mind waking up to that sound every morning. Louis voice is calming and smooth.

He sits up and rubs the sleep from his eyes. Louis is already dressed, wearing a black and white striped shirt and black skinny jeans rolled up at his ankles. He is making his bed, still completely unaware that Harry has woken up. Harry clears his throat before saying “What time 's it? Why are you up?”

Louis jumps when he hears Harry speak and then turns to look at him and say “It is 7:30. You'll get used to getting up this early, trust me. Breakfast is in 15 minutes so you should probably get ready. Don't wanna be late.”

Harry groans in response before stretching out and then curling in on himself saying “5 more minutes. Please.” And he hears Louis chuckle. He looks up at Louis and asks “Wha's so funny?”

“It is not that early. And you look a bit like a kitten when you stretch out like that. A really big, green-eyed, curly haired kitten.” Louis is smirking to himself like he knows something Harry doesn't know. Harry giggles into his pillow before sitting upright cracking his back. 

“Not sure if I should be offended by that. Kittens aren't exactly masculine.” He furrows his brow.

“You aren't all that masculine either. But in a good way I think. You're pretty.” Louis has gone back to making his bed so Harry can't tell what kind of expression is on his face but he is pretty sure he can hear the smile in Louis' voice. But he can't think straight at the moment. All he can hear is Louis calling him pretty over and over again in his head.

Harry stands up and walks over to his dresser, pulling out his skinny jeans and a plain white T-shirt. He steps into the bathroom and quickly gets dressed, stepping out right as Danielle’s voice comes from the intercom. She says that it's time for breakfast and wishes everyone a wonderful rest of their day.

Once they enter the cafeteria Louis quickly leads Harry to a table in the corner, explaining that he always sits with Liam and Zayn and that Liam doesn't like sitting in the middle of the cafeteria because there's too many people around. Harry sits next to Louis and they make small talk until Liam and Zayn show up. 

Liam has wide, anxious eyes as he looks around the room at all of the people. “I never get used to it, y'know? I don't like crowds much and the entire hospital is in this one room right now.” He looks pale, like he might be sick. Zayn reaches over and puts his arm around Liam, giving his shoulder a quick squeeze. Liam looks over at Zayn and when there eyes meet Liam looks like he's calmed down a little.

Zayn seems to be in a good mood, that is, until everyone goes to get their food and a nurse walks over and makes him go get breakfast. He stares at his plate for the better half of 20 minutes before the nurse walks back over and asks him to eat a little bit, for her. He takes a bite of toast and he looks like he is either going to vomit or cry at any given minute. The nurse smiles at him and then walks away. 

They don't talk all that much throughout the meal. Zayn picks at his food and spreads it out in small bits across his plate so that it looks like he ate more than he actually did. Liam finishes his breakfast first and goes to throw out the paper tray he had been eating off of. He tries to stay along the outside edges of the room, avoiding contact with other patients.  
Everything is fine until a nurse calls him over to talk to him for a minute. He looks anxious as he starts to walk over to the middle of the room. Another patient gets up from where he is sitting and walks over toward Liam, whispering something as he scoots past him. Liam's face goes white and his eyes start to water. His chest starts rising and falling much faster and much more noticeably than just a moment ago.

“Oh, fuck.” Louis mutters and before he can finish saying it Liam is sprinting out of the room and into the hallway while a nurse, and Niall run out to check on him. The boys quickly join them while everyone else goes back to eating. When they get into thew hallway Liam is on the floor with his knees pulled up to his chest and tears streaming down his face.

“I...c-can't.” He chokes out while gasping for air.

“Can't what, Li? You have to talk to us so we can help.” Niall says.

“C-can. Can't b-breathe.” He says before putting his face between his knees. Niall runs out of the room quickly before returning less than a minute later with an inhaler in his hand. He tilts Liam's head back and places the inhaler in front of his mouth. 

“Open up. This will help.” Liam does. “When I press down I need you to take as deep of a breath as you can. Can you do that for me?” Liam nods. Niall presses the canister of the inhaler down and Liam takes a shallow breath. Niall presses again after Liam lets that breath out and Liam manages to take a much deeper breath this time. His shoulders slump down a bit but he is still breathing heavy. 

Zayn sits down next to him and Louis sits on his other side. Harry isn't sure what else to do so he sits down on the floor leaning against the wall opposite Liam. The nurse explains that the boys shouldn't be out here, that they have it all under control but they don't budge. Niall pulls her aside and says he can handle it from here and then she disappears back into the cafeteria.

“What happened back there, mate?” Louis sounds worried.

“Max. He walked by me and he said a few not so nice things. I was already panicking because of all the people around me. I guess he pushed me over the edge? I wish I wasn't so sensitive..” he trails off.

“No babe. Max is an absolute dick. A total twat if I do say so myself.” Zayn sounds furious. “What did he say to you?” Zayn rubs Liam's back. “You can tell us.”

Liam looks tense again. His voice is still shaky from crying. “He said I don't deserve help. That a fa-..” He falters for a second before almost inaudibly whispering “that a faggot like me shouldn't recover. That he hopes one of my attacks kill me someday.” He is tearing up again.

“If we weren't in here I would kick his ass. Don't you dare listen to him Li, you hear me? You are amazing, okay? And how he treats you doesn't define you, it shows what kind of person he is. You are kind and thoughtful and patient. You put others before yourself and not many people are like that, y'know? Don't ever think you are anything less than perfect, because you aren't. I hate seeing you like this. You don't deserve to go through any of it.” Zayn is fighting back tears while he says all this and Liam lays his head on Zayn's shoulder and lets out a shaky breath.

“Thanks.” He whispers. 

Harry's heart breaks at the scene he just watched unfold. He can't imagine how it must be for Liam. He knew Liam had Anxiety Disorder but he didn't realize it was this bad. His hands are shaking and he didn't even realize he was crying until Liam pointed it out.

“Why are you crying Harry? I'm okay now. Everything’s fine. Please don't cry.” Liam looks sad.

“Just wish things could be easier for you. So sorry you have to go through that. I'm glad your okay though. Really glad.” Harry wipes his eyes. Liam studies Harry for a minute before he stands up and walks over to Harry and offers a hand to help him up. Harry is confused for a minute but accepts Liam's hand and as soon he is on his feet Liam pulls him into a hug.

“You're a really good person.” He pulls back. “I'm glad I have all of you. You're amazing lads. The only people I am comfortable with aside from my family.” Niall is standing awkwardly off to the side before Liam turns to him and says “You too Niall. You always know how to help. Thank you all so much.” And with that the bell rings dismissing them back to their rooms. 

Niall stops them for a minute and says “Alright, so tomorrow you guys have music instead of recreation. Is that okay?" They all nod and Harry feels a bit excited. He loves music. 

\- - -

Back at their room Louis and Harry talk. They talk about Liam and what happened today. They discuss how big of a twat that Max guy is. When there is a lull in the conversation Louis looks like he wants to say something but he isn't sure so Harry says “Is everything alright?”

Louis sighs and says “Why were you really crying Harry? Me and Zayn weren't even crying and we have known Liam for a while.”

Harry feels his chest tighten up. He knows why he was really crying. He knows why it terrified him so much. He just doesn't want to talk about it. He isn't ready to let Louis in yet. “It scared me. Seeing somebody that terrified.” He avoids eye contact. Louis looks like he's not buying it so Harry adds “I don't really want to talk about it, if that okay? It is a bit personal.” 

“If you insist. I'd love to know whenever you're ready to tell me though.” Louis states.

“I will let you know when I am ready.” Harry says and that finishes the conversation.

Recreation is basically the same as yesterday except they play basketball instead. They have the same teams and today Liam and Zayn win 13 to 8. They cheer obnoxiously until Louis says “Alright, alright you won, we get it. Have you quite finished?” And Liam and Zayn just giggle to themselves.

Max walks in about 5 minutes later and shoots them a dirty look. Liam goes quiet and stares at the ground while Zayn openly flips him off, earning himself a not-so-convincing look of disapproval from Niall. “I'd love to get him alone. He'd regret ever saying a word to you.” Zayn says. Liam blushes at Zayn's protectiveness. 

The dismissal bell rings and they all head back to their rooms, still shaken up by everything that happened throughout the day.

\- - -

After both Louis and Harry have showered they get into pajamas and crawl into bed. They lay silent for about twenty minutes before Louis turns to look at Harry.

“Why are you here Harry? In the hospital?”

Harry inhales sharply and he feels like he might be sick. He has been avoiding talking about it. He doesn't want to even think about it. “My mom and the doctors made me come here.” He says.

“But why?” Louis is persistent. 

“Do we have to talk about it Lou? It's a rough subject. I'll let you know soon enough, alright? But for right now I am enjoying pretending like nothing is wrong.” He whispers so quietly he isn't fully sure Louis heard him.

“Okay Hazza.” Harry smiles at the surprising new nickname. “I just want you to know I’m here to listen if you ever decide to talk about it. I wanna know more about you. You seem so reserved, like you never let anyone in, but I want in. I wanna know the real you.” Louis voice is hushed, but it still sounds urgent.

“Someday.” Is all Harry can say.


	5. Want To Learn More

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zayn has a moment and music class happens and the boys have connected really fast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this is my worst chapter and I just want you to know they wont all be like this. I just needed this chapter to happen to lead to the better parts of this fanfic. Also sorry for any mistakes. Thank you all for reading!

Harry wakes up before Louis today. He rolls out of bed starts making it, moving sluggishly slow. Louis seems to be sound asleep so Harry grabs an outfit out of his dresser and doesn't bother going into the bathroom to get dressed. He strips down to his underwear and starts to pull his skinny jeans on when he hears Louis clear his throat. 

“Hm. Usually I have to properly take a guy out before I can get him in to his underwear,” he teases. Harry turns around and sees Louis smirking at him with thin pink lips and sleepy blue eyes. He looks delicious and Harry can't risk any surprise boners in front of his new roommate just yet, so Harry turns back around and buttons up his skinny jeans and throws on his jumper.

“Sorry for that...Thought you were passed out, really. Didn't think you would wake up.” He apologizes. Louis sits up straighter in his bed and looks Harry over quickly. He returns his gaze to Harry's eyes and lets out a long sigh.

“It's okay. I certainly didn't mind it. I suppose I should have warned you that I am a very light sleeper. You woke me up last night, did you know? You were crying. In your sleep I would assume because you didn't answer me when I asked whats wrong. Just kept whimpering. I still want to know what was wrong. Do you know why you were crying?”

Harry lets out the breath he didn't know he was holding. “I honestly have no clue. My mom says I do that sometimes. Started when I was young. Not sure why, really.” He admits. Louis looks at him and quirks his head to the side.

“I will figure you out Harry. I may not be able to yet, but I will. I want to know why you're here. What goes on inside that curly-haired head of yours.” Louis looks sincere and tiny in his baggy pajamas and Harry kind of really wants to hug him.

“Get ready for breakfast, Lou. It starts in...” Harry looks up at the clock. “13 minutes.”

Louis pats Harry on the head as he walks by to his dresser and then into the bathroom. Harry waits in silence for 10 minutes while Louis gets ready for the day, and then they are on their way to the cafeteria.

When they first show up for breakfast everything is normal. It's just the two of them for a few minutes, eating while chatting, and then Liam shows up. The only thing wrong is Zayn didn't come to breakfast and that could mean a number of things that terrify Harry. Louis and Harry both look up and Liam with expectant looks on their faces. Liam looks more tense than usual, which Harry didn't think was possible, when he sits down. He bites his lip and looks so vulnerable before he starts to explain.

“Everything was good this morning, just like normal, yeah? But then a nurse came in and told Zayn he needed to go with her and then like that they were gone. I don't know where he is or what they are doing but I just hope he is okay. I had to walk here from my room all alone. That was terrifying for me. What if I saw Max? I wouldn't know what to do. I don't know why the nurse took him.” Liam looks a bit angry and a bit scared. 

“Settle down, mate. He will be okay. The nurse wouldn't hurt him. 'S probably a one on one counseling session. In all honesty, he is probably glad to get out of having to come to breakfast. I know he loves spending time with us and all but he can't stand having all of this food around him. We'll see him later. We have music, remember?”

Liam nods and relaxes a bit. He sits down across from Louis and starts eating his bagel. They don't talk for the rest of breakfast, and when the bell rings they head straight for the music room. 

Walking in Harry was a bit nervous. He didn't know what to expect. Didn't know what he would have to do in here. He lightens up a bit when he sees Zayn sitting next to Niall. Liam gets even more excited, running over to claim the seat next to him. Harry thinks it's sweet. Zayn seems to be a bit off. He is avoiding eye contact and he looks upset. Louis notices as quickly as Harry and doesn't hesitate to point it out.

“Well, someone is a bit pissed, eh? What's wrong Z? You okay?” Louis looks concerned.

“That bloody bitch. She had no right. You know where she took me? A private room. So I could eat by myself. She thought not having people around me would 'help me to relax and accept my food'. Fucking bullshit. She practically forced the food down my throat. An entire pancake. An entire fucking pancake and a glass of milk! Not to mention the banana she tried to make me eat, but I was beyond full at that point. This is my body. Not hers. I can do what I want with it. Now, thanks to her I feel bloody awful!” His face twists up like he might cry but before anyone can react he is sprinting to the waste bin and releasing the contents of his stomach.

“What a way to start the day.” Louis sounds less than enthusiastic and maybe a bit sad. Niall is running over to Zayn and rubbing his back.

“I am proud of you for trying. Next time I will tell her to feed you a bit less, so that way you can keep it down. The food does you no good if you don't digest it.” Zayn looks up at Niall and nods slowly, his brown eyes watering.

They stand back up and Zayn takes a sip of water from a water bottle Niall handed him. He looks happier than he did a few moments ago. Harry has never seen someones mood improve after they have thrown up, but he guesses it makes sense when you consider food to be your enemy. 

They sit back down in the chairs arranged at the center of the room. Liam is rubbing Zayn's back and humming something so quiet that Harry can't figure it out, but Zayn must be able to hear it, judging by the small smile forming on his mouth. 

“Alright lads, today is the first day of music so I guess we will just chat for today. Figure out how we want it to be from here on out. You will come back here every other day at the same time you came today. Any questions so far?” Niall looks around at each boy before continuing. “I need to know how comfortable you guys are with each other. Like, if I were to ask you to sing or speak or play an instrument for just us, would you be okay with it?”

Harry and Louis nod immediately and Zayn looks a bit more hesitant. He thinks it over for a minute before shrugging and saying “I haven't got anything to lose, so. I guess I will. If you want. I don't care.” Niall looks pleased.

They all turn their attention to Liam who shifts nervously in his chair. He is slightly frowning and his shoulders look tense. “I don't know. I can try but you have to promise to let me stop if I want to. Is that okay?” Niall nods reassuringly. Zayn is smiling fondly in his chair.. He looks unbelievably proud of Liam.

“Fantastic, mates. Proud of you all for being so willing to participate,” he says while smiling at Liam, who looks a bit unfocused and anxious. “So, since you seem okay with it, I have something I want you guys to do for me.” He looks like he's waiting for a response but he doesn’t get one. “You come back on Thursday. Today is Tuesday. By Thursday I want you each to have picked out a song that can either be your favorite, or just a song that means something to you. When you get here, you can choose to either sing it for us or you can explain what it means to you, word-for-word. Does that sound okay?”

Harry agrees to it first because he doesn't get embarrassed ever and he loves to sing. Louis nods quickly before Niall is turning to look at Zayn and Liam who both nod at the same time, Liam looking like he could faint at any moment. Harry has to give Liam some credit. Most people who are stable get nervous talking or singing in front of people. Liam has Anxiety Disorder and he still agreed to it. Harry thinks that is very admirable.

They all chat for a bit about music. Then somehow end up talking about Nandos because they have all been there before. They discuss their favorite dishes to order and tell stories about times they have gone before, with friends or family. For a few minutes, Harry almost feels like he is just a normal guy hanging out with some of his mates.

The rest of the day is a blur for Harry because all he can focus on is thinking of what song he wants to use on Thursday. It seems like Louis is having the same problem because once in a while when Harry is paying attention he will catch Louis with his eyes glazed over staring off into space. Harry wonders if he is as obvious as Louis is when he zones out. 

They crawl in to bed that night and Harry immediately says “Lou,have you figured out your song yet?” Louis stirs in his bed a bit and then settles in.

“Maybe. 'M not telling you. I'm keeping it to myself until I sing it Thursday.” and Harry feels excitement spread throughout his body at the thought of hearing Louis sing. He wonders if Louis is good. 

“You sing?” He asks. 

“I did. I like to but I don’t as much anymore. Actually, in high school I was in Grease the musical and I got the lead. Played Danny and think I did alright if I do say so myself.” and Harry can hear the smile in Louis voice. 

“You know, Lou, I want to figure you out too. Like you said this morning? I think there is a lot about you that I don't know, but I really want to know.” Louis doesn't say anything for a few minutes, Harry almost thinks he might be asleep until he hears Louis whisper.

“You will figure me out, Hazza. I'm not that complicated as long as I trust you. I think it might take a while, but we will both figure each other out. I know we will.” Louis sounds certain and genuine and Harry smiles at the thought.

“I think I'd like that Lou. I'd like it a lot.” And with that, he falls asleep thinking of him and Louis spending more time getting to know each other. He feels warm for the first time since he got here.


	6. If I Only Knew.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You learn a little bit about Louis. Zayn and Liam are smitten over each other and it is just obvious. And Harry might have a crush on his roommate. Who knows?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for any mistakes! Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy!

Harry wakes up in a bit of a haze. He panics for a minute before looking around and remembering where he is. Louis is sitting in his bed just staring at the wall. Harry is confused. The wall doesn't seem so interesting, just plain white. But Louis looks lost in it. Harry is about to say something when he sees Louis hand moving over the blanket. He notices some scratching marks on his wrist.

Louis brings his hand down onto his other wrist and starts slowly scratching up and down the surface. He is still staring at the wall, not blinking. He has yet to notice that Harry is awake and watching him. His hand slowly picks up speed, digging down further into his skin. Harry can see the red lines of irritated skin start to form on the older boys arm. He wants to say something, to got Louis to stop whatever it is he is doing and come back to reality, but he isn't sure what to say. He doesn't know how Louis will react.

Louis digs in deeper and his brow furrows. A frown is forming on his lips and before Harry even knows what is happening Louis is crying and his nails have dug in so deep a few scratches on his wrist have started bleeding. Harry snaps out of his confusion and runs over to Louis bed. He grabs Louis hand to stop him from hurting himself further and Louis snaps out of his trance and before he can think straight he is pushing Harry off of his bed and on to the floor with all of his force. 

“Jesus, Lou. What’re you doing?” Harry looks flustered and confused and a little bit hurt. Louis looks down and sees the blood on his wrist and Harry on the floor. His eyes widen and he starts shaking his head. 

“Harry I am so sorry. I-I didn't mean to. I didn't know...” He trails off. He looks like he might cry. Harry gets up and sits down next to Louis cautiously. He doesn't know what just happened, like, at all.

“'S okay Lou. C'mere.” He pulls Louis into a hug and rubs soothing circles on his back. He pulls back and stands up, motioning for Louis to come with him. “We have to get you cleaned up. What will the nurses do if they see the scratches?” Harry questions.

“Isolate me. They will make me stay in counseling for the entire day until I tell them what happened. I'm really sorry Hazza. I honestly didn't mean to push you. Wasn't really paying attention.” He says while getting up to follow Harry into the bathroom. Harry takes off his T-shirt and puts it under the faucet, letting the cool water soak into it.

“What exactly happened? Were you even awake? Does this happen a lot?” He asks while using the damp shirt to rub the blood off of Louis wrist. Louis winces before looking up at Harry.

“Doesn't happen too often. I don't know if I'm awake or not when it happens really. It's like daydreaming I guess. Flashbacks. Yeah, flashbacks.” He moves his eyes away from Harry's, looking down at the linoleum floor. 

“Flashbacks of what? Lou?” Harry looks concerned. Louis doesn't say anything in response. He just turns around and pulls his shirt up a bit in the back. Harry can see long, faded lines of raised skin. More scars he thinks, but these ones are different. Louis couldn't have done these himself. Harry thinks he might cry at the thought of anyone hurting Louis.

“What happened?” It comes out barely audible, so Harry is surprised when Louis answers him.

“It was a long time ago. It's over now, and it doesn't matter anymore. So let's drop it, yeah?” Louis seems more distant and guarded than he did just a moment ago. Harry isn't ready for this conversation to end. He wants to know who did this. He wants to know why this awful thing had to happen to somebody as caring as Louis. He lets out a breath he didn't know he was holding in.

“Lou, it does matter. You are clearly still affected by it.” He says motioning to Louis wrist. “Who did that to you?” His voice is small, like he is afraid that if he speaks too loud he will scare Louis away. 

“He isn't a part of my life anymore. Don't worry. It hasn't happened since I was your age, Harry. I am over it.” The way his eyes are red from tears disagrees with everything he just said. Harry sighs before nodding.

“Okay, Lou. If you don't want to talk about it I completely understand. If you ever do want to talk though, I'm here. I wont judge you. Ever. I promise.” Louis smiles at him. Harry goes back to washing Louis wrist and once he has finished he dries it off. Before he even thinks about what he is doing he rubs his thumb over the top of one of the scratches and pulls Louis wrist up to his lips, kissing the soon-to-be scar gently. Louis breath hitches and when Harry looks up Louis is blushing.

“Oh, I, uh. 'M sorry Lou-”

“No. Thank you Haz. Most people are upset with me about this. I...wow...uh, thanks.” Louis cuts him off. His eyes look brighter than they did a few moments ago. Harry can feel the mood in the room change. Louis is back to his usual bubbly self. Harry wishes he was always this way. He never wants to see Louis sad.

“Here, I will give you one of my jumpers. The sleeves should be long enough that they wont slide up, they will keep your wrist covered.” Harry says while walking out of the bathroom and over to his dresser, pulling out a plain red jumper. Louis takes it and walks over to his dresser, picking out the rest of his outfit and heading into the bathroom to get changed. 

Harry gets changed out in their room, finishing right before Louis walks out of the bathroom. The bell rings, signaling them to go to breakfast. They sit down next to each other, neither of them saying much, but it is comfortable. Zayn and Liam show up in decent moods today. They all go and grab their breakfast and Liam, Harry, and Louis all dig in. Zayn does what he did the first day and just plays with his food, making it look like he is actually doing something.

The nurse comes over and tells Zayn he has to eat or else he'll end up eating with her in the same room they were in yesterday. Zayn forces a bite of eggs down his throat and offers her a small smile, trying to play it off like he enjoyed it. She gives him a thumbs up and then walks back toward the middle of the room. Zayn looks like he wants to cry. “It's okay, love. You did good. Food is good for you, even though you don't think so.” Liam is looking at Zayn with a worried expression. 

“I know. Doesn't feel too good though.” Zayn mumbles before resting his head Liam's shoulder. Liam starts rubbing Zayn's back and humming the same tune Harry had heard him humming yesterday in music after Zayn got sick. Zayn relaxes a bit. Harry is curious and he has never been good at hiding his curiosity.

“What song is that? The one you are humming? I heard you hum it yesterday. Sounds lovely.” Harry asks. Liam looks up from where he was smiling down at Zayn

“Skinny Love by Bon Iver.” He states before looking back at Zayn and humming the tune again. Harry thinks about it for a second, trying to recall if he knows the song. He can't think of it so he lets it slip to the back of his mind, saving the thought for later tonight. He wants to know why that is the song that Liam uses to comfort Zayn.

A bit before breakfast ends another patient that Harry thinks he has seen before jumps out of his seat and starts screaming “UH-OH. UH-OH. HE'S BACK.” his face is pale and his hands are balled into fists at his sides. He looks terrified. A nurse quickly runs over to him and starts trying to talk to him but he continues screaming “OH, GOD. He's not happy...” Tears are streaming down his cheeks. The nurse grabs his hand and leads him out of the room. 

“Poor bloke. His name's Nick. He has schizophrenia I'm pretty sure.” Louis states nonchalantly. Harry feels bad for the guy. He looked so scared, and if what Louis says is true, then it's because of someone who isn't even there.

The bell rings and the guys head straight to recreation, playing football again. This time the teams are the same but Niall has joined Zayn and Liam for the entire duration of the game. Louis and Harry win again, but the score is 3-2 this time. Louis lifts the front of his shirt to wipe the sweat away from his eyes and so what if Harry enjoys the quick view of his tummy and chest. 

“That was a close one mate. We're going to have to improve your skills if want to keep on winning.” Louis teases. Harry just laughs and shakes his head before taking a sip of water from his water bottle. 

“I think I'll pass. Not much of an athlete.” Harry admits.

“That is quite the understatement.” Louis deadpans and Harry pushes his shoulder before letting out a giggle.

\- - -

Later that night before bed, Harry helps Louis rinse his wrist again. Louis thanks him and heads out into their room, stripping down to his boxers. Harry walks out and sees him. He swears his heart stops beating for a solid 10 seconds. 

“Now that you've seen my back, I don't have to worry about hiding the scars. And I have always preferred sleeping nude if I'm being quite honest, but I'll keep the boxers on. For now.” He says and Harry can't tell if this is a good thing or a bad thing. He thinks Louis is really fit, so he isn't going to complain about seeing him nearly naked. But he has to be careful now, because fighting back boners is hard enough already when you are a 16 year old boy. But now he actually has something to be aroused about. 

He climbs into bed and rolls on his side. Danielle comes and checks on them. He is half asleep when he barely hears Louis whisper “Goodnight Haz. Sweet dreams.”

“Night Lou.” He mumbles before falling asleep.


	7. Skinny Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lot of Ziam I'm sorry it's getting out of control. But don't worry. Larry is coming soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I rushed through this because I've been busy with school but I wanted to keep it updated. My italicized and bold words wont show up so I can't emphasize where I want to. There are probably a bunch of mistakes and it probably isn't great, sorry. Thank you all for reading! Enjoy!

Harry's morning starts out quite normal, really. He wakes up, gets out of bed, starts making his bed, and goes and gets dressed. He does all of this while Louis is asleep. Harry is sitting on his bed going through the lyrics of the song he chose for today in his head. Louis opens his sleepy eyes and sits up slowly, running his fingers through his fringe. 

“Morning, Lou.” Harry says warmly. He starts tapping his thigh to the beat of the song while he waits for Louis to get out of bed. 

“G'morning, Haz. Sleep well?” Louis asks while stretching out his back.

“I slept alright. Did y-” Harry is distracted in the middle of his question by Louis climbing out of bed in just his boxers. Harry forgot. How could he forget. He was not prepared for this sight by any means. Harry takes a sharp breath before drawing his eyes away from the curve of Louis' bum, which is quite perfect, if you ask Harry.

“Something wrong?” Louis teases, a knowing smirk on his face.

“Nope. N-nothing at all. Uh, you should probably get dressed. Right?” Harry stutters.

“Right.” Is all Louis says before rolling his eyes and walking away. Harry waits for exactly 16 minutes for Louis to finish getting ready so they could walk to breakfast together. Harry was trying really hard for those 16 minutes not to think about Louis in his boxers. He can't handle that right now.

They head down to get breakfast and find Liam and Zayn already sitting at the table they always eat at. Zayn is actually nibbling on an apple while Liam digs in to his pancakes, eggs, and bacon. The boys look up and see Louis and Harry and smile at them, waving them over. 

“Hey lads, you excited for music?” Zayn looks rather happy today. His eyes, although still sunken in with dark rings underneath them, look more alive than on most days. Harry nods and Louis starts going on and on about how he is excited but nervous at the same time.

“I'm just nervous. Really, really nervous.” Liam says it so quiet Harry almost didn't hear him. 

“Don't be, babe. You will be great. You're always great.” Zayn says while staring at Liam fondly. Liam blushes at his complement and whispers “Thank you” under his breath before laying his head on Zayn's shoulder.

Breakfast goes like any other day. They chat for a bit while eating, a nurse comes to check on Zayn, and Liam and Zayn flirt like crazy, but still don't say how they feel. The dismissal bell rings and the boys all get up and head to music together. When they get there Niall is in his chair with a guitar on his lap. He is tuning it when he hears the boys walk in and he looks up, beaming at them.

“Hey lads! Excited? I know I am.” He says expectantly. All the boys smile at him, and Louis says how excited they all are. Niall finished tuning his guitar before clapping his hands together once and clearing his throat. “Alright, anyone want to go first? If not I can go first but I think I’d rather go last.” Zayn says he will go first and turns to Niall.

“What am I supposed to do without music?” He asks. Niall raises his eyebrows before gesturing down to his guitar.

“I've been playing since I was a kid so I know a bit about playing guitar. I'll play while you sing. Sound good?” Zayn nods before sitting down on a stool next to Niall. He whispers into Niall's ear and Niall nods before his fingers start to slide over the strings effortlessly. Zayn looks a bit nervous and when Harry looks over Liam is smiling wide at him. Zayn starts singing and his voice is smooth and perfectly on key and suddenly Harry feels a bit less confident about his own voice.

Come on, skinny love, just last the year

Then it clicks that the reason Liam looked so happy is because this is the song he always hums to Zayn. That means the song is important to Zayn. Harry thinks he can understand why Liam is so excited.

Staring at the sink of blood and crushed veneer.  
Tell my love to wreck it all,  
cut out all the ropes and let me fall.

The sad lyrics still somehow have a soothing affect when Zayn sings them. Something about his voice makes Harry want to listen more.

And I told you to be patient.  
And I told you to be fine.  
And I told you to be balanced.  
And I told you to be kind.  
And if all your love is wasted,  
then who the hell was I?

And, like, it's a love song. Liam and Zayn's song is a love song and Harry thinks he wants to cry because that might be the cutest thing he has ever heard of. Zayn brings the song to an end, looking up at Liam happily. Liam gets up out of his chair hugs Liam tightly and whispering something in his ear that makes Zayn smile bigger than Harry has seen before. Liam sits back down and Niall starts to speak.

“And why did you choose that song, Zayn?” Zayn pauses for a minute.

“This song is the song Li uses to calm me down. It always works. Every time. And I can't do the song justice like he can, because I think it means so much more coming from his mouth than mine, but I wanted you to see how much it means to me, love.” He says, shifting his attention back to Liam. “It really does. You help me through more than you know..” He trails off before getting up and walking over to Liam, kissing him lightly on the cheek, and sitting beside him. Liam blushes lightly and it is easy to see he is trying really hard not to smile or cry or explode or something.

“I'm not supposed to allow you guys to be affectionate with each other but I've always been a sucker for things like that so I'll let it slide.” Niall looks adoringly at the two boys before sitting up straighter in his chair. “Alright, I think I'm gonna have you go next, Harry. Is that alright?” He asks.

“Uh, sure. Might as well get it over with, eh?” Harry says while walking up to the stool.


	8. Sing For Me.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry and Liam sing their songs and everyone is impressed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I'm taking so long between updates. I'm so busy it's hard to keep up. Thank you all for reading this. It means a lot considering this is my first time writing. I'm sorry about any mistakes and things like that. I hope you enjoy!

It's not that Harry is a really shy person. He prefers to be nude when he can, he's sung in front of people before without a problem, and he is basically a dork most of the time and he isn't concerned about looking like an idiot. This is different. He maybe, sorta, kinda has this little crush on his roommate who is sitting 7 feet in front of him waiting to hear him sing. Not only is Harry going to sing in front of him, but it is a song that has to mean something to him. He doesn't like to let people in, especially not people he has an interest in. Yet, here he is, about to sing his feelings in front of the four boys he is just getting used to.

Niall starts to play his guitar and Harry isn't sure he can do this. Louis is staring at him, waiting for him to sing, and it's only adding to his nerves. He takes a deep breath and draws his eyes away from Louis, which helps take a bit of the pressure off of him. Once the first few words leave his mouth he settles quite a bit, getting comfortable with the song.

All day starin' at the ceilin' makin' friends with shadows on my wall  
All night hearing voices tellin' me that I should get some sleep  
Because tomorrow might be good for somethin'

He glances up at Louis who is staring back at him with a mixture of sadness and adoration in his expression. Harry immediately looks away because that was a bad idea.

Hold on, feelin' like I'm headed for a breakdown  
And I don't know why  
But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell  
I know, right now you can't tell  
But stay a while and maybe then you'll see  
A different side of me  
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired  
I know, right now you don't care  
But soon enough you're gonna think of me  
And how I used to be, me.

He glances back up to see Niall lost in his guitar playing, which comforts him a little. Liam and Zayn are glancing back and forth between Harry and each other, which also helps because they are a bit distracted by what's going on between them, drawing some of the attention away from him. But, then he looks back at Louis quick and he falters a bit because Louis gaze is intense and Harry can't read his expression anymore, but Louis is fixated on Harry. He isn't looking away, or blinking, or smiling. He looks intrigued. Like he is learning something very new. Harry looks back away.

I'm talkin' to myself in public, dodging glances on the train  
And I know, I know they've all been talkin' about me  
I can hear them whisper, and it makes me think  
There must be somethin' wrong with me  
Out of all the hours thinkin', somehow I've lost my mind

And Harry chokes up a bit here, because this part always gets to him. He has always felt like an outcast. And he can't explain what goes on in his head, but he feels like people know. They can see that he's different. They can tell he isn't right. And he has this fear that they judge him for it. He has always wanted to be one of those people who doesn't care about what other people think about him. But, he just doesn't think he is.

But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell  
I know, right now you can't tell  
But stay a while and maybe then you'll see  
A different side of me  
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired  
I know, right now you don't care  
But soon enough you're gonna think of me  
And how I used to be

He's really starting to choke up now because this song speaks volumes to him. He doesn't thinks he's crazy. He functions well enough in society. He gets along with people. He knows who he is and so it gets to him when people use the word crazy to describe him. He isn't crazy. This isn't permanent. He is sick. And he is having trouble getting better, is all.

I've been talkin' in my sleep  
Pretty soon they'll come to get me  
Yeah, they're takin' me away

At this point he is crying. His chest aches as he says these words because they did take him away. He is here against his will. He should be home with his mom and Gemma, but instead he is locked away where nobody he knows, aside from Gemma and his mom, will bother to come see him. He really wishes he didn't cry so much. He is so sensitive he is embarrassed by it. He stops himself from crying anymore so he can finish up the song and avoid eye contact with the guys.

“That was amazing Harry.” Louis sounds a little choked up as well. He glances up and sees all of the boys staring at him with wide eyes. He feels a little self conscious and a little proud of himself. Niall clears his throat.

“And why is that song important to you, Harry?” He questions.

“I guess, people always make assumptions about me. They say that somethings wrong with me. That I'm crazy or whatever. But I don't think I am. I'm sick. I'm “unwell”. But I will get better. That is why I chose this song..” He trails off.

“Well, I'm impressed. Thought you would be good but that was great!” Niall says while grabbing his water for a drink. “Alright, umm, Liam! Why don't you go?” He looks at Liam expectantly.

“Oh, uh, okay. Yeah I guess.” Liam goes pale but stands up and walks over to where Harry is getting up. Harry sits back down next to Louis who rests his hand on his knee before turning to him and saying “You really were amazing Haz. 'M proud of you.” Harry beams at that because he is dying inside. His inner fangirl is screaming and cheering and doing backflips. 

Liam settles down for a minute before Niall starts playing. He clears his throat and drops his gaze to the floor.

I never knew.  
I never knew that everything was falling through.  
That everyone I knew was waiting on a queue  
To turn and run when all I needed was the truth.  
But that's how it's gotta be.  
It's coming down to nothing more than apathy.  
I'd rather run the other way than stay and see  
The smoke and who's still standing when it clears.

Liam's voice is smooth and warm, unlike his usual anxious self that is tense and distant. He seems a bit unsure of himself in the first verse but as soon as he gets to the chorus he gets into the song.

Everyone knows I'm in  
Over my head.  
Over my head.  
With eight seconds left in overtime.  
He's on your mind.  
He's on your mind. 

Harry is surprised at the lyric change from she to he but he figures Liam did it because he is gay. He is into Zayn clearly, so it would be unfit for him to sing about a girl being on his mind. He flows through the song smoothly until the bridge.

Suddenly, I become part of your past.  
I'm becoming a part that don't last.  
I'm losing you and it's effortless.

He seems to feel these words and the chorus a bit more than the rest of the song. He finishes the song up with surprising confidence and Harry is proud of him, because an average person would struggle with that. And he just did it with anxiety disorder. Zayn looks like he might cry or propose at any given minute. He doesn't say anything though. He is speechless. 

“Wow, I enjoyed that Li.” Niall seems proud as well. “Why did you pick that song?” 

“Well, the chorus means a lot to me because it's all about things being too much for you, and that's how I've spent the majority of my life. With things just being too much for me, even if it's nothing big. I'm always in over my head. And the bridge gets to me because people are usually quite bothered by my disorder. They get annoyed by my nerves and tension. They leave as quickly as they came into my life. And I don't want that to happen with any of you.” He says this all while staring at Zayn. Niall waits for him to continue but when he doesn't he just clears his throat to stands up.

“All right. Let's grab a snack and a drink quick, and then me and Louis will go, okay?” 

They all mumble their agreements before heading off to the cafeteria. They sit down and eat for a bit, except for Zayn who is only having a bottle of water.

“You've all done really well so far. I'm properly impressed.” Niall seems sincere. “Can't wait to hear you Louis. I've known you for 7 months and still never heard you sing.” Louis just shrugs and shoves a handful of crisps in his mouth.

They all finish up and head back to the music room where they sit where they were before, except now Louis is sitting on the stool in the front. He leans in to tell Niall what he is going to sing and Niall nods, picking up his guitar pick and getting ready to play.


	9. No Going Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis sings and you learn a bit about him. I didn't get to Niall's song in this chapter because of a school project, but I will make sure to include it soon!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long! School has had me insanely busy. Thank you guys for being patient, I really hope you are enjoying it so far! Thanks for reading!

The mood in the room changed as soon as Niall started playing. The song sounded slow and sad, but not in a typical way. Louis looked tense while Niall played the intro, he cleared his voice in a not-so-subtle manner that Harry thought was adorable, and then he took his breathe and started singing. Now, it wasn't that Harry didn't expect Louis to be good, because he did. But he finds himself mesmerized by the way Louis voice is soft and high, yet powerful and urgent. The notes flow smoothly out of Louis' mouth, leaving Harry breathless and heartbroken

No one knows what it's like  
To be the bad man  
To be the sad man  
Behind blue eyes

The lyrics are as sad as the beginning sounded to Harry and he was not prepared for this. He wont cry. He already told himself he wouldn't. But Louis looks so sad and so fragile. He looks so broken that Harry wants to run up and hold him in his arms and let him know that he is beautiful and everything is going to be okay. Instead Harry holds back tears while listening.

And no one knows  
What it's like to be hated  
To be fated to telling only lies

This makes Harry wonder who could possibly hate Louis. He is this cute little bundle of sarcasm and humor, topped off with unparalleled kindness and compassion for others. He is something the world needs more of, that's for sure. 

But my dreams they aren't as empty  
As my conscience seems to be  
I have hours, only lonely  
My love is vengeance  
That's never free

No one knows what its like  
To feel these feelings  
Like i do, and i blame you!

This part has Harry tearing up a bit more, where it is probably quite noticeable. It's not that he knows how Louis feels, because he has absolutely no idea. He doesn't know what Louis has been through, or why he is so open and honest except for when it comes to his past, there are many things that Harry doesn't know about Louis, but he thinks he'd like to. The reason he is cracking is because he gets it. He gets what it's like to feel stuck. He knows how it hurts to force a smile sometimes. He knows how lonely it is at 3 am when everyone else is sleeping, and you are up, crying yourself to sleep. And he wishes he could take all of the bad stuff away form Louis and just make him happy.

No one bites back as hard  
On their anger  
None of my pain and woe  
Can show through

No one knows what its like  
To be mistreated, to be defeated  
Behind blue eyes

No one knows how to say  
That they're sorry and don't worry  
I'm not telling lies 

Louis finishes up the song and he is not crying. He is not anything. He looks blank, like he's not actually there. Harry, on the other hand, is sobbing uncontrollably. Louis sings in a way that makes Harry understand. Harry was not ready for that at all.

“That was fantastic Louis. I'm actually caught off guard by how sincere that was. Why is that song important to you?” Niall is his usual happy self, which doesn't quite fit with the mood of the room right now. 

“That song means a lot to me because people think they get me. They think they know me and who I am and everything I've struggled with, but they don't. They weren't there when I would cry myself to sleep. They weren't there when I'd hurt myself just to be able to feel. They weren't there when he'd...” He looks unsure of what he is about to say before he starts mumbling, barely loud enough for the other guys to hear. “When he'd beat me. Tell me how worthless I was. When he made me believe it.”

Everyone is silent for a minute, Louis fidgeting nervously in his seat, before Niall speaks up in a calm steady voice. “Who, Louis? Who did those things to you?”

“My dad. He would drink a lot when I was young, and I always liked him better when he was drunk. He was more relaxed and easy to be around. But then when I was 13 I told my parents I was gay. That's when everything changed. He started throwing me around a bit at first, nothing too bad. But then he started telling me I was worthless and stupid. He said nobody would love a faggot like me. I believed him. Then when I was 15 I started fighting back and he didn't like that very much..” He falters a bit before picking up where he left off. “One day he swung at me, and I swung back, but I was smaller than him. So he went and got his belt...He whipped me in the back. He did that a lot after that day. Sometimes he would take my shirt off and do it so he could see the skin turn red until it would bleed. He left when I was 16. I have no clue where he is now.” Louis is staring at the ground now. 

“I'm so sorry Lou. You didn't deserve that. None of it.” Harry doesn't know when he got up but he is now crying while hugging Louis, and he is pretty sure Louis is crying as well. Before he knows it, all of the guys are hugging them as well, and Harry is actually really comforted by the surprise group hug.  
They all tell Louis how much they care and how much he didn't deserve that. Then Niall is sending them back to their rooms to get ready for bed, because they actually spent a long time in music today.

Once they are in bed, and Danielle has come through to do checks, Harry decides to talk to Lou. “Hey Lou?”

“Yeah Haz?”

“I'm really sorry about everything you went through. You really didn't deserve it. I wish I could help.”

“Why?” Louis sounds a bit apprehensive. Like he doesn't trust Harry. Harry is offended.

“Because you are brilliant, Lou. You are smart and you are funny, and you care about the people around you. Not to mention how beautiful you are, both inside and out. You have this way of interacting with people that makes people want to be around you. You are brilliant, and I will always believe that you are no matter how many scars you have, both physical and emotional.” Harry has never been good at hiding his feelings, but he is actually nervous now that he has said that.

“C'mere.” Louis sounds sleepy.

“Wha?” Harry mumbles, unsure of what Louis needs him for.

“Just c'mere, yeah?” Harry gets up and walks over to Louis bed, sitting on the edge of it. Louis sits up and scoots closer to Harry before gazing into his eyes.

“Thank you. You are always so genuine with me, and I appreciate it so much. You're the beautiful one, Haz. You're amazing.” Before Harry knows what is happening he sees Louis leaning and and he feels their lips colliding. Considering it is late, and they have both taken sleeping meds, the kiss is lazy and sweet. Gentle lips on lips. Harry melts into it, the feeling of electricity spreading through his veins. He feels like flying, and it's not that he has never had a good kiss before, just this one is different. He feels this kiss in every inch of his body. His chest feels light and he feels a bit dizzy but it is amazing and he wouldn't change a single thing. 

Louis pulls back and lays down whispering his goodnight to Harry. Harry climbs back into his bad, a goofy smile spread across his face. “Goodnight Lou. I'm really glad I met you.” He drifts off to sleep, dreaming of dazzling blue eyes and soft smooth lips.


	10. Irresistable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I just love love okay.

Harry is woken up to the now familiar sound of Louis humming Look After You by The Fray. He opens his eyes to see Louis hips swaying along to the tune he is humming and the corners of his mouth are quirked upward in a smirk while he searches for clothes in his dresser. “Someone seems to be in a good mood today.” Harry says. His voice comes out deeper and slower than usual. Louis allows his lips to form a proper smile now as he sits down on his bed across from Harry.

“Well, my dear Hazza, I am in a good mood. You see, last night I was kissed by the most beautiful boy I have ever met.” Harry can feel a slight blush crossing his cheeks and a goofy smile forming on his lips. “He's got this adorable curly hair that is just the perfect shade of chocolate brown. Oh, and these green eyes that are painfully gorgeous. And these fucking lips that, I swear to god, are sinful. They are a sweet shade of pink and they taste just as good as they look. So, yeah. I am in a decent mood.” Louis sighs while smiling at the ground.

“He sounds okay. You reckon you fancy him?” Harry is trying to keep his voice level and calm.

“I reckon I do.” Louis whispers before getting up and going to get dressed in the bathroom. Harry stands up and walks over to his dresser, picking out his clothes for the day. He can't seem to get this stupid smile off of his face but that doesn't matter. Louis likes him. Louis. Likes. Him. 

They walk to breakfast like any other day, get there food and sit down with Liam and Zayn. They all chat for a bit, and Harry tries not to smile or blush whenever he catches Louis staring at him. Zayn and Liam are too busy staring at each other as well to notice. Its funny, Harry thinks, how even though they are in a mental institution, everything feels right. He may be torn up inside and his thoughts might be trying to kill him, but that doesn't seem to matter to him as long as he has got this boy is by his side. Maybe this is all happening a bit too fast and maybe he is in over his head, but he doesn't mind at all.

Zayn actually eats almost half of his food without complaining, which earns him approval from the nurse on staff right now and a blinding smile from Liam, followed by a hug and an “I'm proud of you”.

They head to the Recreation Center where they plan on playing some basketball, but end up sitting in the chairs they were in on Harry's first day at the hospital. This time it is only them and Niall. They are all just talking for a bit about nothing in particular. Liam clears his throat, drawing attention to him before he turns to Niall with a curious look. “Why did you decide to work here Niall?”

Niall pauses, his face going serious, before he looks at Liam and smiles. “I wanted to help people.” is the only answer he offers. This proves to not be a good enough reason for Liam because he is shaking his head and asking why.

“I've always liked seeing people happy, which I guess is normal, right?” Everyone nodded before he started again. “I had this friend from the time I was about 9. His name was Mike. We were best mates. Like brothers, even. We did everything together. He was always there for me when I needed him, and I tried to be there for him as much as he would let me. When we were 15 he started talking less. I asked him why but he would always just say he was tired. He slowly kept becoming less like himself. When we were 16 he told me he wasn't feeling good. He said he didn't feel like himself. He slowly got worse. When I was 17 he took his life. I told myself from then on I would help everyone I could. When I found out about this place I had to work here. This is where Mike should have been.” He trails off before shaking his head and going back to his usual self. 

“I'm sorry mate.” Liam says. “You're a really good person. Mike would be proud of you.”

Niall smiles to himself before thanking Liam and challenging them to a footie match. Naturally, it is Liam, Zayn, and Niall against Louis and Harry. Surprisingly Niall, Liam and Zayn win. The score is 3-2 and the 3 winners are absolutely ecstatic. Louis shrugs it off and congratulates the boys. They all go and eat dinner and then get ready for bed. As soon as they are back in their room, Louis falls back onto his bed.

“Hey, Lou?” Harry breaks the silence.

“Yeah, curly?” Louis answers.

“I tried to kill myself.” Harry says nonchalantly. Louis sits up at this and turns toward Harry, his eyes going wide.

“What the fuck are you talking about Haz?!” He sounds like he might cry.

“That is why I am here. I took 3 bottles of sleeping pills.” 

“Why would you do that? What happened?!” 

“I was kinda like Niall's friend Mike I guess. I wasn't me. I didn't feel okay. Nothing felt okay and I was certain everyone would have been better off without me. I took the pills and sat down. I could not stop crying. And then after a little bit I couldn't move. I felt dizzy and sick and panicky all at the same time. My heart was racing, it felt like it was going to explode. I tried to get up and I couldn't move. So I screamed. My mom heard me and she came to my room. She called an ambulance, they pumped my stomach, I spent 2 weeks in the hospital and then they sent me here immediately. I still feel that way sometimes. Like I am not me. Like nothing is okay.” He pauses before adding “I feel pretty good when I am with you though.” It comes out as a whisper.

Louis quietly gets up and walks over to Harry's bed. Without saying a word he sits down, reaches up and pulls Harry toward him, their lips gently pressing together. “Don't ever do that again, you hear me? Can't imagine what it was like, babe. You're okay. It will be okay, I promise. I won't let it happen again. I won't let anything bad happen to you again.” He whispers before pressing their lips together again.

The kiss is slow and smooth again. This time Louis slides his tongue across Harry's lower lip, sending shivers down Harry's spine. Harry opens his mouth a bit, letting Louis in. Louis is being sweet and slow and gentle. His tongue slowly exploring Harry's mouth. Harry loves the way Louis tastes, the way he feels. He thinks if he could do one thing for the rest of his life, it would be kiss this boy.

Louis pulls back, kissing Harry on the forehead and then on the nose. “D'you think that I can sleep here with you tonight?” He asks. Harry nods and smiles before laying down and making room for Louis. He knows Niall is doing checks for the rest of the night and he wont care and he wont say anything. Louis lays down next to Harry, tucking his head into Harry's neck. His arm is across Harry's belly and he falls asleep quickly after saying “I'm glad you didn't succeed Haz. I'm really glad we met. Sweet dreams love.” Harry hums his response and kisses Louis hair, falling asleep right after him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am really really sorry I took so long you guys. School has been crazy and I have been really busy and I promise I will try to post more often. I really hope you enjoy it. Sorry for any mistakes. Enjoy :)


	11. We'll Get Lost Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Smut is fun even though I'm shit at writing it :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry it isn't that great guys I am just exhausted and I'm sorry I take forever to post it's just that I am always so busy and ughhh. Anyways feedback is appreciated and I really hope you enjoy!

Harry wakes up and it is still dark in the room. It is definitely not time for him to be up, but he is so overheated he thinks he might pass out. It takes him a few minutes to realize that he and Louis are completely intertwined. Louis has his right leg tucked in between Harry's legs and his arm is wrapped around Harry's torso, his hand resting on Harry's hip. His head is tucked between Harry's ear and his shoulder, his breath ghosting over Harry's neck, giving him goosebumps. 

As amazing as it feels to have Louis in his arms, he needs to get up and cool off or he is sure he will go into heatstroke or something. He slightly nudges Louis leg with his, getting no response in return. He pushes his body up a bit, earning a whimper from Louis, who also nudges farther into his neck. Finally he gives up being subtle and rolls over so he is on top of Louis.

Louis groans and tries, but fails, to push Harry off of him. 

“What the fuck are you do- oh.” He cuts himself off when he realizes where he is. “Hi, Haz.” He smiles up at the boy above him.

“Sorry to wake you, my dearest Lou, but it was hot as fuck under those covers, so I needed to get some air.” he whispers, sitting up so he is straddling Louis. Louis tenses up, so quickly Harry almost misses it, before he settles and is smirking up at Harry.

“What's the matter Styles? Can't handle the heat?” He thrusts up a bit, making Harry whimper quietly. Harry feels his pajama bottoms getting a bit tighter and his whole body heating up a bit more.

“Well, Lou,” his voice comes out low and raspy, filled with need, before he relaxes for a second and starts speaking again in a just as low, but smoother voice. “I can handle the heat just fine, it's you that I'm not sure I can take.” Louis giggles underneath him before composing himself.

“We'll just have to see, now wont we?” He purrs before pushing his torso up and crashing his lips to Harry's. His left hand stays holding him up while his right hand gently massages Harry's scalp, Harry pressing into his touch. Louis traces his tongue over Harry's bottom lip, making him whimper into Louis' mouth, the sound going straight to Louis dick. 

Harry pulls back to take off his shirt. As soon as it's off he reaches to pull Louis shirt off. As he works on Louis shirt Louis bites just above his collarbone gently, before running his tongue over it and then sucking a love bite into his skin. Harry is so hard it is starting to hurt so he rushes to take his pajama bottoms off and practically rips Louis' bottoms off of him.

For a moment they pause, taking the sight of each other in, but within seconds Harry's mouth is on Louis dick, causing Louis to bite the back of his hand, because lord knows they would be dead if they got caught. It starts out with Harry just sucking on the tip of Louis dick, sliding his tongue over the slit, and then up and down his shaft. 

After a few moments Harry takes all of Louis down, his nose pressing into Louis happy trail. Louis legs are shaking, he's holding a pillow over his face to keep quiet, and Harry is gagging, his eyes watering, but he keeps going because he just loves the way Louis looks completely wrecked because of him. His hand finds its way down to his own dick, thumbing over the pre-cum to use as lube, before he starts lazily stroking himself, his attention mostly on what his mouth is doing. 

He hears Louis whimpering from underneath the pillow, and then Louis whole body goes tense, and then he shudders as he cums into Harry's mouth, Harry swallowing it down. Harry presses kisses up Louis torso until he is at the pillow. He pulls the pillow off of Louis face and Louis is still whimpering and shaking beneath him. He presses a light kiss to Louis mouth before Louis pushes him up and quickly starts taking Harry into his mouth. The warm contact is blissful, Harry's breath hitching and his toes curling. 

Louis works on Harry's dick for just a few minutes until Harry is cumming into his mouth, whimpering Louis name as he does so. They both settle back into the bed, exhaustion setting in. They are wrapped around each other, as close as they could possibly get. 

“You are amazing Louis.” Harry whispers before pressing a kiss to his forehead. Louis hums in response, a small grin on his face while they both drift off for a few more hours of sleep before breakfast. Harry dreams of Louis and him, sitting in Harry's house, watching movies and snogging, and although it is a simple dream, it might be the best one he has had yet.


	12. Saving me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Niall's song and pining and fluff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it has literally been forever, guys. I was really struggling and then some things happened and I went away for a bit. But now I am back and am ready to finish this story. Thanks for reading :)

Harry wakes up and Louis is not in bed with him, and, well, that’s a bit upsetting. He looks over at Louis' bed and doesn't see him, and that is when he begins to panic. What if Louis decided he doesn't want him? It would make sense. Harry is awkward and young and goofy and Louis is adorable and funny and so sure of everything he feels. Harry doesn't feel like he quite adds up to Louis deserves.

Then another thought occurs to him. What if Louis got taken away? What if somebody saw them cuddling this morning and took Louis somewhere else? His blood goes cold. Louis is the only thing here that keeps him grounded. He can't do this without Lou. He starts breathing heavy, his chest heaving up and down to match his unsteady heartbeat. His eyes start to burn, but he can't cry. 

Louis walks in just a moment later, towel drying his hair before looking up and seeing how distraught Harry is. “Harry, babe, you alright? What's wrong?” He asks while walking over an sitting next to Harry, rubbing soothing circles into his back. Harry looks extremely relieved, and sniffles before wiping his eyes.

“'M fine. Thought they took you away. Thought that they found us, and took you away from me. God, I was scared. Thought I lost you right when I had found you.” He fumbles with his words, evening out his breaths and settling down.

Louis smirks before saying, “I'm here now, love. Just had to wash myself off. I seemed to have gotten a bit messy last night...were you really scared? You're afraid of losing me, Haz?” He trails off, grinning.

“Course I was a bit nervous. I really like you, Lou. And I don't think I could survive this place without you.” He looks embarrassed, his cheeks going red and his eyes going down to his lap. “I also thought that maybe you just left. Maybe I scared you off..” He mumbles.

Louis is astonished. He can't believe that Harry would think that after the night they shared together last night. “You really thought I left you? Now, why would I go and do something that stupid, darling?” Harry blushes and looks away from Louis' eyes, and let's out a sigh.

“You're so perfect, and I'm so...me. You have so much to offer and I am just this awkward teenage boy with limbs that are too long and hair that is too curly and a mind that I can't seem to untangle. You are so bright and I am so dull.” Louis lunges forward and catches Harry's lips with his, sliding them together easily. He breaks off and says “You. Are. Perfect. I'm. So. Glad. I. Found. You.” Between little kisses all over Harry's face, and who could blame him if Harry melts a little, after all, it is Louis.

They get ready, with Harry in a much better mood, and head off to breakfast, where Liam and Zayn are already sitting, picking at there food. They sit down and are greeted with two of the biggest smiles they've ever seen, and when they look down they can see Liam and Zayn are holding hands. Well isn't that just the cutest thing ever.

“You guys finally made it official? You're together?” Louis says with a fond expression on his face. Liam looks down sheepishly, but his smile is evident. Zayn nods and leans over to kiss Liam's cheek. Liam actually fucking giggles. Its disgustingly cute, and Louis and Harry couldn't be happier for them.

Niall comes over and puts his arms around Liam and Zayn, smiling while saying “It's about time that you two got together, jesus, I thought I was gonna have to lock you in a padded room together and force you to sort your shit out.” 

Zayn chuckles. “You can still lock us in a padded room together. I'm sure we could find a way to pass the time” He winks at Liam, who somehow manages to turn even more red and hides his face in Zayn's shoulder. Niall actually gags.

“I coulda gone me whole life not hearing that. Anyways, I was thinking you lot should come to music today, because I never got to sing my song, and I think it's only right that I do it, because I promised.” The boys accept all too eagerly, and within minutes they are rushing to the music room. They all sit in a row. Zayn on the left, next to Liam, next to Harry, next to Louis. They look up at Niall with expectant eyes. Niall takes a deep breath.

“I picked this song because of you guys. Because I feel a bond with you four that I haven't felt with other patients, and I consider you guys my friends.” And with that he begins playing. But he isn't playing guitar, to the surprise of the other boys, he is playing piano, which is new. 

 

I can't believe it's over  
I watched the whole thing fall  
And I never saw the writing that was on the wall  
If I'd only knew  
The days were slipping past  
That the good things never last  
That you were crying

Summer turned to winter  
And the snow it turned to rain  
And the rain turned into tears upon your face  
I hardly recognized the boys you are today  
And, God, I hope it's not too late  
Hmmm... It's not too late

It's a very personal song. Niall is clearly getting into it, and his soft voice sounds heavenly with it. Harry is drawn in by the sound, the sincerity behind it, it sounds so sad.

'Cause you are not alone  
I'm always there with you  
And we'll get lost together  
'Til the light comes pouring through  
'Cause when you feel like you're done  
And the darkness has won  
Boys, you're not lost  
When your world's crashing down  
And you can't bear the thought  
I said, boys, you're not lost

This part Louis starts crying, Harry supposes it's because of everything he's gone through, and because he has known Niall the longest here. Either way, Harry just wants to comfort him, so he reaches over and grabs Louis hand, and Louis looks over and smiles at him.

Life can show no mercy  
It can tear your soul apart  
It can make you feel like you've gone crazy  
But you're not  
Things have seemed to change  
There's one thing that's still the same  
In my heart you have remained  
And we can fly fly fly away

Through the rest of the song the boys are practically in a trance, until Niall finishes up singing “Boys, you're not lost.”And then they clap, and they cry, and Harry is beginning to feel like they are family to him. Except of course Louis, because that would just be weird. He feels much much closer to him.


	13. Back For You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fluff and sadness and excitement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter was kind of shitty, I'll try to do better guys, I promise! Hope you enjoy it!

They are all trying to calm themselves down. They surround Niall in a group hug and just stay that way for a solid 3 minutes. After they break apart Louis pulls Harry aside and hugs just him while whispering into his ear.

“I really like you, love. You're so wonderful. But I found out yesterday that I'm getting discharged soon. I've shown really big improvements since you've shown up...probably because I can't help but feel giddy like a god damn 13 year old girl when you're around. They are saying I am probably getting out of here in around a week. They want to do some therapy sessions, check on how I'm doing, and make sure I'll be okay, but I'm probably leaving. The thing is I need you to stay strong while I'm gone. You will get a new room mate, and things will go on. I promise I will visit you and all the lads, but I need you to get better too, because maybe you could get out soon and we can be together, deal?”

Harry's heart has just dropped to his stomach. He feels like he is going to be sick. He didn't even see this as a possibility. His eyes feel misty and Louis is rubbing his thumb over his cheek bone, trying to calm him down. “But I just found you Lou. I don't want you to leave. I need you. I – fuck. Um, I don't mean to sound like an asshole Lou. I'm happy for you. I'm so glad you're getting better, but I'm gonna miss you like hell.” Louis is now reassuringly wiping the tears off of his cheeks and shushing him.

“Hey, none of that, love. You will get better, and then I will come find you, and then we can see each other whenever we want. Don't cry. You'll be fine. Everything will be okay.” He rubs soothing circles down Harry's back while he whimpers into Louis' shirt.

“You lads alright over here?” Niall asks walking toward them. Louis looks up with a sad smile on his face. “ Yeah, just, I'm probably getting discharged in like a week, and we are going to miss each other...I'm gonna miss you guys too.” And now his eyes are filling up and Niall is frowning. Zayn has gone silent and Liam may or may not be hyperventilating.

“Well, I suppose we have to make this the best week ever then.” Niall says and he pulls all of the guys in for another group hug, this time centered around Louis. They are all sniffling when they pull away, and Niall claps his hands together, demanding their attention. “How 'bout we start this week off by me taking you lot out for the day. We can do whatever you want. We can go see a movie, go out to lunch, anything you want.”

“You can do that?” Louis asks with wide eyes. “You absolute tosser! All this time I've been here and you have the choice to get us out of here for a bit and you haven't!” He is laughing as he says it, eyes crinkling at the sides. “Let's do it! Can we go out to lunch and then ice skating? Or is that too much?” He looks so hopeful that Niall has no choice but to say yes.

“I'll have to see about ice skating, but probably. I'll go sign you all out for the day and then we'll leave, alright?” The boys are bubbly with excitement. Harry is so focused on Louis that he barely notices Zayn pulling Liam in for a kiss. He feels inspired so he leans into Louis and whispers in his ear.

“I want to kiss you, Lou. Like all the time but I really want to right now, would that be okay?” And before he can gauge Louis' reaction Louis is pulling back and connecting their lips lightly, Harry leaning in to the touch. He so happy that he doesn't even care that Liam and Zayn are clapping and whistling a them. He has to pull back before things get too heated.

They just stand there like that for a minute, blushing and smiling at each other, just enjoying each others presence until Zayn clears his throat and breaks the trance. He walks up and hugs Louis. “I'm really gonna miss you mate. Don't be a stranger. Come visit, and try not to forget about us crazies while you're out.” He smiles before backing away and Liam steps forward to hug Louis.

“I don't know how things will be without you here, but me and Zayn will take good care of Harry for you, we know you care about him a lot. And I'm gonna miss you so much. But you will come visit us, right?” Louis nods, trying not to get choked up again.

Niall walks back in and tells the boys it's all set and they are good to go. “You guys ready to go? We are gonna have a blast, I promise. We have until 8 pm so that leaves us 6 hours to go out. We can really do just about whatever you want, but I think we'll ice skate first, sound good?”

They all nod, looking like a bunch of kids on Christmas morning, before Liam says “I am sitting in the front with Niall. I get anxious in tight spaces and I somehow feel like it might be crowded in the back seat with 3 guys next to each other.” Zayn frowns but nobody argues. 

They all grab their coats and Zayn grabs Liam's hand and they walk to the exit, by Danielle, where Niall signs a few sheets and Danielle waves goodbye to them while they walk outside. Harry hadn't even realized how much he had missed fresh air.


	14. Somewhere With You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They start their day out and things maybe don't go exactly as planned.

Being out in public after spending so much time in confinement is pretty surreal. Harry is more than a little nervous, though he wouldn't admit to it. What if people see them and can tell where they're coming from? What if he makes himself look stupid while ice skating? Every single worst case scenario he can imagine is bouncing around in his head.

Louis pulls him out of his little trance, rubbing his thumb on Harry's cheek. "Make a wish Haz, an eyelash fell out." Louis blinks up at him through thick lashes, a shy smile on his face. Harry actually giggles and then composes himself. Louis is more endearing than humanly possible. 

Harry closes his eyes and blows the eyelash off of Louis finger, trying not to smile the whole time. Louis brushes a curl off of Harry's forehead, leaning in close. "What did you wish for, love?" Harry, blushing, buries his face in Louis neck and whispers back, "If I tell you, it wont come true Lou." Louis sighs dramatically. "Oh come on Haz, everyone knows that that isn't true. That's just an excuse." Harry somehow manages to dig even further into Louis' neck, pouting. 

"It is embarassinggggg Lou." Louis clicks his tongue and pulls Harry's head out of his neck so he can look him in the face. "Harry you can't embarrass yourself in front of me. Let's be real, I saw you play football, and I am still in to you." Harry pouts again and furrows his eyebrows. "Heeeeyyyyyyy. That's different. That is me being clumsy. This isn't." 

Louis holds his face in front of his by the cheeks, whispering "Harry. Tell. Me. Your. Wish." Louis kisses his cheek when he finishes talking, and that is what makes Harry decide to tell. "My wish, if you must know, is that you wont forget about me after you get out, and me and you keep seeing each other outside of the hospital." He goes back to burying his face in Louis neck and Louis pulls him closer, playing with his hair. 

"You don't have to worry about that at all. I've just got you, I'm not letting you go that easy." In the seat next to Harry's they hear Zayn groan. "You guys are nauseating. I think I'm getting a cavity from the overload of sweetness back here." Everyone laughs and Harry and Louis both blush both sitting up straight again, but still impossibly close.

"We're here!" Niall says, pulling into the skating rink's parking lot. They all get out and Zayn practically sprints over to Liam and grabs his hand. "Babe, you have no idea what I went through sitting back there with them." Liam rubs his thumb over Liam's hand and coos. "I'm sorry love. I'll make it up to you, I promise." Zayn's thoughts definitely don't go to a dirty place when he hears that.

They walk into the rink and go up to the counter, all telling the worker their skate size. "Harry Styles, is that you?!" Harry turns around and sees a few guys from his high school smirking at him. It feels like all of the blood rushes out of Harry's head, and his face turns pale. "Uhh, hi guys." He barely even finishes his sentence before they start laughing and say "I heard you went to a loony bin. What happened Styles? Your family finally decide they wanted to fix you being gay?"

Harry laughs uncomfortably, not knowing what to do. "Who the fuck are you? And what the fuck makes you think it's okay to be a prick? Harry didn't bother you, so why don't you leave him alone, yeah?" Louis looks the opposite of Harry, his face is getting flush and instead of cowering back he is standing up straighter. "Who is this Styles? Found yourself a crazy boyfriend?" 

This is supposed to be the part where Harry sticks up for Louis but before he can say a word Niall is stepping between them and talking calmly. "Hey mates, what you are doing right now is not cool and while you were harassing my friends here, I was talking to the manager over here and he has already called security. I suggest you guys leave right now and not make things harder for yourself."

The guys start walking away, yelling homophobic slurs the entire way. Harry turns to Louis to apologize but before he can speak Louis is pulling him into a hug and whispering "It's okay babe, they can't hurt you. Don't let them bother you, you are so much better than them." Harry shakes his head and looks up at Louis, who looks completely calm now. "The only part that bothered me is that they brought you into it. You didn't deserve any of that, and I am sorry, and I appreciate you sticking up for me." Louis shushes him and just holds him for a few minutes.

Zayn is calming Liam, who handled it surprisingly well. He isn't hyperventilating, he isn't flush, and he isn't sweating. He just looks a little sad. "Let's not let that stupid fight ruin our day boys! Let's go skate." Niall says, putting on his skates. All the boys agree and start putting theirs on too. Harry's mind is wandering thinking about what just happened, and if it ruined this day out.

Then Harry starts questioning if this is just a day out or if this is his and Louis' first date. He looks at Louis, whose tongue is poking out of his mouth as he focuses on tying the laces on his skates, and Harry really hopes this is their first date. Louis looks up at him and smiles, and Harry swears Louis is sunshine. They all stand in their skates and start walking over to the rink. 

Louis interlinks his and Harry's fingers, smiling at him when Harry looks over. This is totally their first date. Harry is sure of it. They reach the rink and the opposite of what you'd expect to happen, happens. Harry steps on with grace, not even flinching. Louis steps on and his knees start to wobble, almost making him fall. Harry has been ice skating since he was 4 years old. Every winter him and his mom and Gemma would pick out a week and go every day after school.

Louis has only done this a few times, and for the first time, he is clumsier than Harry is. Harry has to pull him along, holding him up when he almost falls. They don't mind though, they cant stop giggling. Louis gets distracted looking at Harry and his dimples and his curls while they are turning, and he starts to fall. Harry tries to hold him up but it is too late and Louis brings Harry down with him. As a reflex, Harry puts his hand on the back of Louis head to cushion it from hitting the ice.

Harry lands on top of Louis, and in Harry's head he played this scenario several times, and Louis is supposed to lean up and kiss him and they are supposed to smile while they kiss and blush and giggle, just like what happens in the movies. Only, this isn't the movies, and Harry is pretty sure he just broke his knuckles. He makes a strangled noise in his throat and buries his face in Louis chest, willing himself not to cry. Louis is laughing until he realizes Harry isn't and then he sits up, pulling Harry up with him.

"What's wrong darling?" Louis wipes the one tear that Harry couldn't hold back off of his cheek. Harry composes himself and then looks at his hand. "Pretty sure I broke my knuckles on the ice." Louis looks down and Harry's middle finger is bleeding. He looks back at Harry and kisses his cheek where the tear just was. "I'm sorry love. I appreciate my lack of a concussion though. Are you sure it's your knuckle babe? Your finger is bleeding, not your knuckle."

"I honestly have no clue. My hand is numb at this point." Louis chuckles and cups Harry's cheek in his hand. "Let's get you looked at, alright babe?" Harry nods and lets Louis help him up with his other hand. The rest of the guys come over and ask what happened and they explain. They all skate over to the manager and explain.

The manager said this type of thing happens so much that they keep a nurse at the rink when it's open. He calls her over and she inspects Harry's hand. "Your knuckles are somehow just fine, but you broke your middle finger. I just have to put a brace on it and tape it to your ring finger." She does that and Harry looks at Louis, who is pouting. 

"What's wrong Lou?" Louis looks up at Harry and blushes. "That is your left hand. That's the hand I always hold. Now I can't hold it." Harry laughs and shakes his head. "Guess you are gonna have to stand on my right side from now on." He reaches out his right hand for Louis to take. "Besides, I am right handed, so it is really good that it was my left." Louis sighs and agrees, and with that, they leave for lunch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I owe you guys a huge apology for how long I was gone. A lot of stuff has gone down in my life, and when things settled I didn't have a laptop anymore so I couldn't write. But I am back and free to write! Thanks for your patience.


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